Not What You Thought
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: This is just a story about Shawn Spencer's childhood how it could have been.
1. Chapter 1

Yes, this story is sick and twisted, but that's how I am. If you're reading this than you should know that I own nothing. So there you go. Now read if you want.

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Monday December 3, 2008 4:45 p.m.

You know what I hate the most about school? I hate the teachers thinking that they know everything. I really don't even know why I'm writing this. All I know is that I have to do something to bring my grade up in my English class and this is what the teacher said I had to do.

She said that if I wanted to pass her class that I was to keep a journal for a whole month and then turn it in. Now here I am typing this. I know what you're thinking shouldn't this boy be watching television or something like that. Well not this kid.

Right now I'm hiding in my closet because my mom and dad are arguing about what I'm going to do when I grow up. My dad wants me to be a cop like him and my mom wants me to be a shrink like her. What do you think would happen if I told them I what I wanted to really be?

Ha, that's funny. I could never tell them what I wanted to be. If I told them I know that I would be in the hospital for life. It's not that my parents are violent people, but at the moment they're both so drunk I doubt they realize that they're fighting about me.

Oh shit, my dad's knocking on my door; well it's more like pounding. I really don't want to answer the door, but I know that if I don't then things would get worse so I guess that I wrote enough for today.

Shawn Spencer


	2. Chapter 2

Tuesday December 4, 2008 12:05 a.m.

Right now I should be sleeping, maybe I could dream of a place where my parents were supportive of me. I know that's not going to happen though. Sleeping is the last thing I could do anyway. If I went to sleep there would be a good chance that I wouldn't wake up.

See, after I hid the computer in my closet I opened the door to my very pissed off and drunk dad. He wasn't pleased with the fact that I had taken so long to answer the door and was even more pissed off that I hadn't told him I was going to the movie with Jake.

Jake was my very sweet boyfriend, but now my dad knows and he's not dating me anymore. My dad called him a fag and told him not to come close to me or the whole police force would be after him. Sadly enough my dad was being serious.

Sorry got side tracked talking about Jake. Anyway, so my dad now knows that I'm gay and that I was hiding the fact I had a boyfriend from him. To make a long story short we now need to get a hallway wall.

The reason I can't go to sleep is because I most likely have some sort of concussion and if I fell asleep I might not wake up. So here I am writing on my computer in my closet.

Of course I'm going to have to clean my computer again. I think this is the tenth time I've had to clean the blood off or it. This time the blood is coming from my wrist. It hurts like hell so I think it might be sprained.

Well I have school in the morning. I made sure to make my alarm clock set for two hours. After that I have a small test before I reset my alarm clock for another two hours and go to sleep. I guess I'll write more whenever I can.

Shawn Spencer


	3. Chapter 3

Tuesday December 4, 2008 2:10 p.m.

If I was to say that I was glad that school was out early I would be lying. Every time school gets out early I have to clean the whole house, and since there was a gaping hole in the wall I had to fix that too.

At the moment I'm taking a small break because I just finished the hole in the wall, kitchen, living room, and both bathrooms, all I have to do now is my room, my parents' room, the hall way, and the garage.

After that I have to make dinner and clean the yard. I really wish that it was cooler in this place, but I'm not allowed to mess with the air conditioner. At least it's semi-cool in my closet.

Sitting in here always calms me down a little. I remember one time my parents were so drunk that they were fighting with each other, and I don't mean yelling I mean actually fist fighting.

I was younger so I didn't know what to do, and I tried to stop them before they killed each other. Thinking about it I realize that wasn't one of my better plans. My parents forgot trying to kill each other and started beating the shit out of me.

That night I slept in my closet, some how I wasn't as afraid of them the next night. So every night I spend in my closet, actually I spend almost every moment in my closet when I'm home.

I've got to go back to cleaning or I won't be able to be done when my parents get home. Guess that this is actually a good assignment, though I'm never going to say that out loud. Well, I'll be back when I'm done.

Shawn Spencer


	4. Chapter 4

Wednesday December 5, 2008 1:13 a.m.

I'm sorry I didn't get back on yesterday. After I finished doing everything my dad came home. He was drunk again which wasn't a surprise, but a kid can hope. When he finished eating the food I made he dragged me to his room.

When he took his belt off I thought that I was going to be beaten until I couldn't move. I was only right about part of that thought. If I had thought that he would tie me up with his belt I would have fought back. If I had thought that he strip me and made me suck him then I would have run to my room.

But since I didn't know any of that I couldn't fight him and I couldn't run to my room. After years of dealing with my parents I thought that I could handle anything they did to me, but this was something that had never even crossed my mind.

When he dropped his pants and boxers I didn't know what was going on, but when he walked behind me and thrust into me I had a good idea. It hurt so much when he entered me.

God, each thrust was like he was ripping me apart. For the first time in a long time I find that I was begging for him to stop, but all he did was call me a faggot and thrust in harder and deeper.

That lasted for what I could only guess at was an hour. My dad finally passed out, which I've never been more thankful for. At least I was thankful until I realized that I couldn't get out of his belt myself.

I had to wait a long time for him to finally wake up and untie me. Well he did untie me, but that was after he thrust his dick into my mouth. After he was done fucking my mouth he untied me and left me there.

I couldn't get up though. No matter how much pain I've felt over the years this was nothing like it. After a few more minutes, which felt more like hours, I got out of that god forsaken room.

Now I'm sitting in my closet sobbing. My body is shaking so badly that it's hard to type. I feel so weak right now, but I guess that I'm going to be feeling that for a long time. I'm going to bed so I can act like this never happened.

Shawn Spencer


	5. Chapter 5

Wednesday December 5, 2008 7:23 p.m.

Luckily enough only one teacher asked me why I was limping today; it was the teacher that assigned me this. I simply told her the she would have to wait until she got this paper because everything was in it.

She didn't like that idea and I could tell she was worried, but she didn't say anything else. The day like any other day, at least until I got home. I instantly cooked dinner, while was one of my favorite things to do.

My mom was sitting at the table yelling at me to do things. Well she was yelling until she got mad enough to hit me and cause me to break the table, which I had to rebuild after I get hit by one of her many belts.

When I was done with that I had to re-clean the living room. Then I was finally able to do my homework. It didn't take long because I knew what we were doing. Now here I am writing.

I finally cleaned my computer so there's no blood on it anymore. That's going to change soon though. My dad is home and I can hear him all the way in my room, which is on the other side of the house. I can tell that he's pissed.

He's banging at me door again. For the first time in a long time I'm scared. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to do anything to stop him from killing me. Well, here it goes. Wish me luck.

Shawn Spencer


	6. Chapter 6

Thursday December 6, 2008 2:02 a.m.

I think that my dad doing things to me is going to be an everyday thing. This time it took longer. While he was doing things to me he was laughing, calling me names, and saying that if I was really gay that I would be begging for more.

When he was finally done he rammed into a table. I had to fix it and leave before he got horny again. So here I am nursing my arm which was now bleeding because of the table in my closet crying.

I don't think I've cried so much before. Before I knew that whatever happened I would be able to leave this place. Now I feel that I will always be here, at least until I die. I've never thought of death as an escape though.

To me suicide was only for people who couldn't handle life, but now I can't handle life. Was it wrong of me to want to kill myself because of my family or was it because I was weak?

I have a long time to think about this though. I'm going to bed now. So I guess I'll be back later on today. Maybe I'll have an answer to the whole suicide question by the next time I write anything.

Shawn Spencer


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday December 6, 2008 5:34 p.m.

I was right when I said that my dad was going to do something to me again. When he was doing it I realized the answer to my suicide question. Thinking back I realize that it was simple, which is why there's a knife next to me.

I decide that suicide was fine because I was going to die anyway. My teacher, the one that assigned this, was worried about me again. She told me to tell her what was going on. I told her that if she gave me her e-mail address that I would send her this and she would find out.

When I finish this entry and send it off I'm going to cut my throat. I know that it's going to hurt, but I've been through so much pain I doubt that I'll mind. So here is the last thing that I'm ever going to say. At least I was able to write things like I always wanted, though I know this won't be published.

I just want to thank my teacher that gave me this assignment. If she hadn't I wouldn't have thought that I could do this at all. Well, it's time now. Goodbye to everyone, I know you won't miss me.

*Television anchorman*

Today the body of Shawn Spencer was found dead. His parents are going to court for child abuse, child endangerment, and rape, more on this story at 9.


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